THE KIWI WHO SOARED THE SKIES...

“The Filipino is worth dying for.” – Benigno Servillano “Ninoy” Aquino Jr.

This line was actually world famous. Well, who wouldn’t know him? But do you think what he said is still true at this point of time?

The first automated election was just held this May 10, 2010. Well, people expected some technical difficulties or some sort but thank God nothing happened. Well, something happened to tell the truth. It’s the first automated election in which people didn’t use their right to vote “wisely.”

Currently, Mr. Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino is on top. There is already an 87% chance he would win if I may say. But let’s not talk about that. Let’s analyze a very small thing a bit deeper: why the heck is Ex-President Joseph Ejercito “Erap” Estrada on the second place?

Last January 17, 2001, the Epifanio de los Santos Avenue road was again filled with millions of people, better known as the EDSA II Revolution and lasted for 4 days. The reason for this revolution is to throw away the current president at that time, Erap, from his seat. Erap, seeing this united but peaceful resolution of the people, decided to step down from the seat on January 20, 2001, making Gloria Macapagal Arroyo the President of the Philippines.

Millions of people joined this revolution. Millions of Filipinos wanted to throw him away from his seat. But then, why the heck did he also get millions of votes from Filipinos now?!

Don’t get me wrong, I have NOTHING against Ex-President Joseph Estrada but can’t those people who voted for him see that those millions of votes that they gave him were actually just put into waste? Come on, the PEOPLE threw him away from his seat and now, those same PEOPLE are actually wanting to re-appoint him?! What the heck is wrong with you people? Are you trying to say to everyone else that, “Hey, we made a mistake on making him leave his post, let’s re-appoint him!” Are you trying to say that you actually wasted 4 days of your damn precious life making him leave his post?

I’m disappointed, really. Those millions of votes that he got would have been better off given to any of those other candidates. Did you dislike Noynoy? Then you should have given it to Gibo instead. Dislike them both? Hey, Gordon, Villar and the other candidates still exist you know. It’s actually better, rather than giving it to someone you threw away from the post.

Seeing these results, I wonder if Ninoy would have still said that world-famous phrase if he is still living now.

“Where am I? What’s this place? It’s the same place but why is this like this? I recognize it but it feels like it’s not the same…”

It’s been a month and I hardly recognize what this place is. At first, I believed that it will be the same as always like when I was still in the Far East, that the only difference is the geographical location and its climate.

But I was gravely mistaken.

“We’ve changed,” an old man about 60 years old said. When he said these very words, I felt like what is left in this very soul of mine has been torn apart again. He was explaining something to someone but I didn’t care. I was trying to close my ears from every sound that is surrounding me. I just don’t want to feel my soul be torn apart more than it is now. It hurts.

In the Far East, in these kind of situations, I would have sent group messages to people, pestering them with my whines about how life is f*cking and messing me. Though some or should I say most of them wouldn’t care, having someone read it means a lot to me and makes me feel better even for just a day, an hour, a minute, or even a second. It feels like someone, at the very least, listened to my cries of pain and tried to understand me even though in reality, they really don’t. But as you can see, things are just not the same. No matter how f*cked up I become, there will be no one.

To tell the truth, I’m sick and tired of whining about everything. But most of the times, it’s the only thing that I can actually do. I’m always in situations where one wants to just die to stop the bleeding that one feels inside but oh well, the One above us all seems to not want to let me rest yet. Maybe it’s because I haven’t had enough suffering yet?

“I’m sorry,” said the old man after the long discussion. I’m wondering whether what the sorry is for and if he really meant it. Somehow it doesn’t feel he does. Well, who am I to judge him? I’m not God.

I wonder. When I said sorry to a certain girl, did she not believe me like the way I do not believe that old man? Had she had enough of me saying a bit too many sorry to a bit too many mistakes of mine?

I don’t really know.

I wish she was here. I miss the way how everything still feels it will be alright no matter how much it really isn’t.

I guess the “home” where I once felt is now burned to the ground and will forever be out of my sight.