THE KIWI WHO SOARED THE SKIES...

            The clock ticked and ticked and I can't seem to go to sleep. I was looking blankly at the ceiling of my room. Devoured by darkness, I looked at my watch and it's already 2:30 in the morning. The rain sang in a gentle sound outside my room. I decided to sit up and plug my earphones. I turned my iPod on and pressed play.

            "A strangled smile fell from your face. It kills me that I hurt you this way. The worst part is that I didn't even know..."

            A scene flashed as I close my eyes. I was sitting in a jeepney, looking at the perfect feature of the girl beside me. She tried to avoid my eyes and instead stared outside. I asked her if there's something wrong, but she just shook her head. When it was time to bid farewell, she gave me a smile and waved goodbye.

            "Now there's a million reasons for you to go but if you can find a reason to stay..."

            The scene disappeared into nothingness and I found myself back into my dark room. I looked for my cellular phone and when I finally found it, I browsed my saved messages and found one of hers. It was the message she sent to me saying she wants to break up with me. I stared at it for a minute or so, trying to comprehend the things that happened to us.

            "I'll do whatever it takes to turn this around. I know what's at stake. I know that I've let you down..."

            I made myself believe that it was my mother's fault. She texted the girl that I loved the most, saying that it was because of her that I became the black sheep of our family. It must have hurt my girl so much that's why she chose to break up with me although we loved each other. She was forced to be crucified because of the sins she didn't even commit. "It's my mother's fault! Why can't she understand my feelings for that girl? Why?" I blamed my mother. It even reached the point where I cussed her because of anger. However, just now, I found out that it's not my mother's fault. It was mine all along.

            "And if you give me a chance and believe that I can change, I'll keep us together whatever it takes..."

            I had been too honest. I didn't know back then that too much honesty would bring catastrophic consequences. I told my parents that I loved this girl. However, because our religion doesn't allow us to have relationships with those who don't have the same faith as us, my mother didn't like my girl. It fumed me so much because we've got everything planned back then. Or so I thought. I've become grumpy with my mother, been too honest to her about how I really feel and it might have offended her because it would seem that I would choose my girl over her. It was true though. We always fought especially when my girl's name was involved. Who wouldn't stand up for the one we love the most when he/she is getting offended by other people? If only I hadn't been cantankerous... If only I hadn't been too honest on how I feel... If only I hadn't told my parents about her...

            "But do you remember the time I told you the way that I felt? That I'd be lost without you and never find myself?"

            A tear fell from my face. I tried to wipe it out but the tears just fell one after the other. I succumbed to my loneliness asking myself: "Wouldn't we still be together if it hadn't been for my flaw? Wouldn't we still be laughing together and spending time together if it hadn't been for me?"

            "I'll do whatever it takes..."

            I continued to blame myself. I stared at the ceiling, tears still flowing on my cheeks...

            "And if you give me a chance..."

            "She's gone," I told myself. She won't be back. I would just be a part of her memory, a bad one that she would later on forget. I will just be a dream turned into a nightmare for her.

            "I'll keep us together whatever it takes..."

            I calmed myself down and wiped my tears away. The song ended at that moment but I decided to play it back and minimized the volume. I closed my eyes and talked to God. I prayed, telling Him everything that I feel, asking Him if anything would have change if I had been flawless. As I open my eyes again, I feel the pain fading away. I looked at my watch for the second time and it was already 5:20 in the morning. I looked outside the windows. The sun was about to shine any minute now.

            "... whatever it takes."

            The song just ended again. I wasn't aware how many times I played it back. I decided to turn my iPod off and stood up. I fixed my bed and realized that it's just another day where I'm stuck between times - that past and this present.

            (I would like to thank Ms. Arianne Balaoing for allowing me to use her style on this essay and for editing this. Thanks Ianne! :D)

            Ok. It's been while since I posted something. I was lazy. Sorry. Anyway, my life is the same so far. Nothing changed.

I'll just share the things memorable to me:

•I.        I got a + 60 points for the 5^th long exam! An instant pass!!!

•II.     I gave a birthday card for the person dearest to me.

•III.   Storm Ondoy destroyed lives.

•I.   + 60 points for Math 17 5^th long exam

So our professor decided to give us a + 60 points (for a reason I know not.) if and only if: the guy wears a tube plus a skirt and the girl wears a wedding gown. Well, if we do wear what the prof. told us to, it would make us look desperate... WELL, I AM A BIT DESPERATE!!! God, a once in a lifetime + 60 dude! An instant pass!!! Who cares about being desperate?

Well, I'm still a bit shy despite my desperation, so I told myself I wouldn't wear it if they won't as well.

Driven by desperation, I asked a friend/classmate of mine, if he would be desperate enough to wear the tube plus the skirt. Well, at first, he DIDN'T want to, but I managed to persuade him. So I decided to be desperate.

I told my parents that I need a tube plus a skirt (my father didn't react violently because of the additional points... he knows I need it that much.) but UNFORTUNATELY, there was no tube that would fit me. :| "Oh no... My 60 points," I told myself >_<

When I arrived at the room, the friend I talked to last night already holds the skirt and told me he's going to make a tube out of another skirt (it was a good idea.) and luckily for me, his block mate was kind enough to lend me two skirts. Some of the girls also wore wedding gowns. We, the "desperates", were the ones whom sir asked to solve the problems he had that day for the class.

It was worth it. After all, it WAS 60 points.

•II.     A Weird Birthday Present

         Last Thursday, I decided to follow a friend's advice on what to give the person dearest to me: A birthday card.

         I asked another friend to accompany me in the National Bookstore to buy a card. When we arrived, we immediately went to the corner where the cards were. When I picked this one card, I liked the cover, the message on the cover, as well as the message of the card itself. It was as if it was really meant for her. When I tried to look for another one, I noticed something: the card that I liked was the only one left! I tried hard to find another one, but there was really no other. It was weird. It was as if the card was telling me: "Pick me! Pick me! I'm meant for her." And so I bought the card.

         When the next day arrived, I finally wrote a message in the card. However, I received a text message that she wasn't around! "OMG! What am I going to do? Grrr... Don't tell me this card is going to be put in the garbage bin..." I told myself. Despite this, I still decided to go to school and pursue my original plan: let her friend give the card to her.

         Well, everything turned out well. I received a text from her friend that she was in the stage and so I gave the card to her friend when I arrived at the school. She accepted it and I just hoped she liked her birthday present.

•III.   Catastrophe: Storm Ondoy

On the day of her birthday, a catastrophe happened: the storm Ondoy showed its wrath. It made some of the areas of Luzon like a big swimming pool.

It was devastating. With just THREE hours... JUST THREE hours... the water already engulfed some of the areas in Central Luzon. The people crying for help were really heart-breaking... Many died... and most of the properties of people who managed to survive were eaten by mud.

We were lucky our house was located in a slope, making it hard to be flooded... Let's all pray for the safety of all of us. It's the simplest but always the most effective.

"TRUE LOVE doesn't and shouldn't end in happy endings because... TRUE LOVE doesn't and shouldn't end."